I normally post about things that are happy and light hearted. I have posted about a few trying times that we have had with Ana Claire, and now I am posting about something that has been weighing heavily on my heart. I hope that another adoptive parent or someone that may be reading this may have some insight or have dealt with something like this can offer me some words of advice. Please feel free to comment me or you can email me privately by viewing my profile and click email.
Ana Claire has been home with us now for two years. During this time we have dealt with attachment and security issues. I quit my job to stay home with her and I know that was the best decision that I have ever made. She has attached very well, but still struggles with feeling secure. From day one she has never wanted to be left alone in a room. She always has to know exactly where I am.
As she has gotten older she is more aware of Asian people. She is very frightened by them. She doesn’t want to have anything to do with them. At first we thought maybe she had some sort of memory of us taking her from them and since she has now bonded to us and loves us that maybe she thought they would try to take her back. Two examples that stand out in my mind are one time I took her to get our nails done and she wanted no part of them touching her. The other time was when I was getting a massage in the mall by an Asian man out in the open she starts screaming and crying don’t let him hurt my Mommy.
My mom had to carry her to the carousal to occupy her.
Tom traveled to China in March and was gone for three weeks. During this time she seemed to worry about this more and more. Everyday she would ask me when her daddy was coming home and if the mean Chinese men were going to keep her daddy. This was very upsetting to me seeing that we have tried to embrace her culture and want her to be very proud of who she is and where she is from. We have tried to explain to her that the people in China took very good care of her and loved her until we could come and get her. Now she is only three, but some of the conversations that I have had with her lately you would think she was much older. She has asked me questions that I thought I wouldn’t have to answer until she was older. Anyway, I apologize for rambling, back to my story.
We eat Chinese frequently. The past two times that we have eaten at different places there has been a Chinese woman come up to us telling us how pretty she is, talking to her and trying to play with her. She has this look of fear on her face that is so upsetting to me. The final straw for her both times is when the woman touched her…..both occasions she started trembling and cried uncontrollably. She was ready to leave each time. We try to reassure her no one wants to hurt her or take her away. Last night she was in my lap stuck like glue and kept an eye on the lady the rest of the time we were there. She was scared to death. She tells us over and over they are mean and she doesn’t like them. I don't want her to feel this way.
Last night while we were eating with friends, their daughter takes Ana Claire to the restroom, I call the very sweet woman to the side and try to explain to her that Ana Claire is very afraid of Asian people and to please not to take it personally. I will tell you that the information that she shared with me of what she thought Ana Claire’s problem was very upsetting. I can tell you that her words confirmed some of my fears. She made a point to stay away from our table. This allowed Ana Claire to relax. As we left the sweet woman told me to please bring my baby back. I think it actually made her sad that she scared Ana Claire.
If anyone that may read this has ever dealt with something like this please contact me. I want to help her overcome her fear, but I am not sure how. I just know that this is breaking my heart to see she is so frightened over something like this.